I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
