My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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