8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
