ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
