i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
