so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
