I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
