Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
