Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize