College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
