last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
