The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize