Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You are a genius and a whore.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
