Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize