I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
