Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
