im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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