omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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