The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize