i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
