My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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