Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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