currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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