ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
