Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
