Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
