just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
