i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize