So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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