saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
