Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
