I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
