I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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