I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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