it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
