Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
