From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
