I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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