I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I intend to get homeless drunk
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
