Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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