i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize