Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
