Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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