after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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