Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
