you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
