Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
