This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
