Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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