I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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