You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
