Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
