just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
