it hurts more in the daytime
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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