This is not my ceiling
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
