dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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