Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
