You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
