i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
