And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
