No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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