i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
