I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
