p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
