I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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