names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
