Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
