My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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