Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
